The Theme Of Pride In Fences By August Wilson - 984 Words

Everyone makes mistakes. But when it is a matter of pride, these situations rarely work out well. When people have too much pride, they refuse to admit they’ve made a mistake and it can start to wither away their relationships with the ones they’ve offended. In the play Fences by August Wilson, the main character Troy ruins his relationships with his sons and his wife. He constantly cuts down his sons Lyons and Cory by telling them that he isn’t obligated to like them and that he doesn’t owe them anything. Troy also cheats on his wife and attempts to reason with her, believing he is somehow justified. After supporting them for eighteen years, parents are usually reluctant to hand out money to their adult children. Troy doesn’t approve of†¦show more content†¦Ã¢â‚¬Å"Like you? I go out of here every morning†¦bust my butt†¦putting up with them crackers every day†¦cause I like you? You about the biggest fool I ever saw. Itâ€℠¢s my job. It’s my responsibility! You understand that? A man got to take care of his family. You live in my house†¦sleep you behind on my bedclothes†¦fill you belly up with my food†¦cause you my son. You my flesh and blood. Not cause I like you! †¦ I gave you your life. Your mama and I worked that out between us. And liking your black ass wasn’t part of the bargain†¦Ã¢â‚¬  (Wilson 38) Troy believes that his sons, especially Cory, have it easy. His mother makes him dinner, his father works to pay the bills. Meanwhile Cory gives up his steady job to play a sport that he won’t even make a career out of. When one partner is unfaithful to the other in a relationship, all trust is lost and the couple’s dynamic is changed drastically. In act 2 scene 1 of the play, Troy tells Rose that he is the father of his mistress, Alberta’s, baby. After hearing this and having spent 18 years of her life dedicated to this man, Rose is enraged. Rather than apologize to his wife and ask for her forgiveness, Troy attempts to reason with Rose, somehow believing he is justified in cheating on her. â€Å"Then I saw that gal†¦she firmed up my backbone. And I got to thinking that if I tried†¦I just might be able to steal second. Do you understand after eighteen years I wanted to steal second?† (Wilson 70). TroyShow MoreRelatedTheme Of Women In Fences1739 Words   |  7 Pages Sergio Garcia English 2 Professor Spencer December 8, 2017 Sexuality and role of women in August Wilson’s Fences In the film Fences by August Wilson, the audience is presented with a country that is fast evolving, with oppression, prejudice, and poverty remaining a common factor. Most scholars argue that sexism is the dominant theme in Wilson’s plays due to the portrayal of female characters occupying the stereotypical, male-fantasized roles of the domestic, powerless, or submissive motherRead MoreAnalysis Of Othello By William Shakespeare913 Words   |  4 Pagesthem to communicate their points of view as well as the opinions of involved parties. Plays written in the Elizabethan era are categorized as comedies, histories, or tragedies to make it easier for their audience to understand difficult and emotional themes. Although modern plays may follow classic Elizabethan structures, dramatists may adapt it to appeal to a broader audience and to reflect similar issues that may have evolved. For instance, audiences can easily identify with tragedies since they exhibitRead MoreSpiritu ality Religion in August Wilsons Fences1072 Words   |  5 PagesFen Spirituality amp; Religion | In August Wilson’s â€Å"Fences† | | Mia Savage ENG 102 Essay #3 | 11/11/2011 | Introduction: â€Å"Fences† is one of ten plays written by August Wilson that document historic periods in Black American life. It is a colorful and thoughtfully written piece that tells the story of one family’s struggle in Civil Rights Era America, an empowering and complicated time for lower and middle class blacks struggling to attain an ideal of the â€Å"American Dream†. TroyRead MoreThe Tone Of August Wilson1377 Words   |  6 PagesThe tone that August Wilson uses is an approachable and lofty blend at the same time. To begin with the protagonist of fences, Troy is a mindful man whose dreams are obstructed, this makes him have confidence in self-made fantasies. The play first begins with an entertaining story about his struggle with a personified Death character. In addition to this Troy has the ability to live in a fictitious world, denying his affair with Alberta. Troy instigates conflict as a result of his ability to believeRead MoreThe Battle Of Wills Between Rainey And Sturdyvant, The White Owner Of The Recording Studio1773 Words   |  8 Pages When it comes to themes, the main question in the play is whether the band will complete the recording session despite conflicts among various band members and the power struggles between Rainey and Sturdyvant, the white owner of the recording studio. The battle of wills between Rainey and Sturdyvant echoes the historical battle between capitalists and workers; only in this case, Rainey holds on to the goods (her music) that she produces until she gets what she wants from the white producerRead MoreAnalysis Of The Play Fences By August Wilson And Zoot Suit By Luis Valdez2015 Words   |  9 Pages For my final project, I have chosen the plays Fences by August Wilson and Zoot Suit by Luis V aldez to compare and contrast, when it comes to their themes of multiculturalism, interculturalism, and transculturalism. Multiculturalism is the process of immigration and globalization of societies in the world. The world is made up of a mix of many nationalities, cultures, groups, orientations, or ideologies. Multiculturalism involves the acknowledgment of the different groups of ethnic people, culturesRead MoreAnalysis Of August Wilsons Fences 1800 Words   |  8 PagesAugust Wilsons â€Å"Fences† takes us on a journey that transforms the 20th century impression of a Negro Family with Insatiability, Tenderness, and Sacrifice. The famous play is an autobiography of an American Negro man who loses his dreams for the people he loves. Fences demonstrates us what sacrifice looks like and how egocentricity still exist today. Fences takes place with a family in Pittsburgh from 1957 to 1965. The characters are Troy, Bono, Rose, Lyons, Gabriel, Cory, and Raynell. Fï  ¥Ã¯  ®Ã¯  £Ã¯  ¥Ã¯  ³Ã¯â‚¬  Ã¯  ©s importantRead MoreAnalysis Of `` Fences `` A Generational Story About Troy Maxson, The So n Of A Black Son1845 Words   |  8 Pagesas the 1960s. Slowly but surely, black pride began to restore as differences in morals between successive generations caused societal changes. Capturing the essence of black struggles prior to -and during- this dynamic period of change, August Wilson wrote the play Fences, a generational story about Troy Maxson, the son of a black sharecropper father. Highlighted by the play’s title, a particularly important motif of Wilson’s work is the concept of â€Å"fences† regarding how they both â€Å"trap things in†Read MoreAugust Wilson3685 Words   |  15 PagesAugust Wilson: Poet, Playwright, and So Much More August Wilson is a man who, outside of the theatrical world, is not very well known. Yet there are those, like Paul Carter Harrison, who would rank him in the same artistic continuum as Langston Hughes, Toni Morrison, and Thelonius Monk.1 When I began research on August Wilson I asked myself, so what? So what if hes won awards and recognition? What has he done to merit them? What makes this man important enough to do a research paperRead MoreComparing Death Of A Salesman And Fences By August Wilson947 Words   |  4 Pages Romano Stewart English 1102 Friday: 9-11:45 a.m. November 30, 2017 Barry Hall In the books Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller, and Fences by August Wilson, there are common themes that run throughout the entire stories. Among these similarities there are two, hard working men who are trying to live the American dream but instead end up becoming frustrated by life. The main character of each book, Willy Loman and Troy Maxson are similar in many ways. They both try hard to be good men and fathers

Dangers Involved with School Bullying Essay - 858 Words

School Bullying School is the primary place where children spend their day with peers. As social and economic status plays a big part in the behavior of children. In early child hood income can effects the child’s academic level and behavioral problems later. By the time a child reaches middle school income levels do not influence negative behavior. But when the child reaches high school they could be teased for how the dress because they may not have nice clothes like other kids, or simply choose to dress differently. Which can lead to school bulling. Bullying is a major problem and needs to be prevented. A bully is defined as aggressive behavior or to harm a person repeatedly overtime. School bullying can start anytime from†¦show more content†¦They had killed twelve students, one teacher and injured twenty-two others. In the end the two committed suicide by turning the guns onto themselves(about.com). Dylan and Eric both came from solid two parent homes, played b aseball, soocer and enjoyed working and playing on computers. Fitting in with their peers did not come easy and they picked on daily. Eric had a website where he kept a list of students names he wanted to kill in which his parents knew about. Dylan handed in an English paper that described the killing. Both of them were suspended from school and arrested but no one took the threats seriously until it was too late( U. S. news.com). According to CNN, the two boys were obsessed with World War II and Nazis. The massacre occurred on the birthday of Adolf Hitler. Since the attack on Columbine many schools have improved upon the safety of students and have become more cautious and sensitive to even the smallest of threats. Almost every school across the United States have now taken measures to improve on the safety students and staff. Some of these measures are security guards, surveillance cameras and school searches. About one-third of schools have locked doors and visitors must sign in before entering. Six percent of schools have banned backpacks or allows only transparent bags (Juvenile Delinquency page 350). Of most schools, creating a school environment that is free of violence has become a schoolShow MoreRelatedCyber Bullying And Its Effect On Society1139 Words   |  5 PagesBullying is an escalated issue that has become an epidemic, it happens in schools, on line, in between genders and can literally occur anywhere. Bullying is the act of aggressive behavior in which intimidation and/or physical harming towards another person is involved. It causes an imbalance in which the stronger person or group attacks the weaker and initiates repeated mistreatment towards the same victim over an extended period of time. In a situation where insults escalate and bullying arisesRead MoreSelf-Defense Is the Answer Essay1164 Words   |  5 Pageshe/she/they is/are in danger† (Search Legal Terms). Now if someone is asked what self-defense means, of course any adult w ould know exactly what the term meant. However if a child were to be questioned what self-defense means, many would be puzzled on what exactly self-defense is or what it is even used for. As crime rises in today’s world, this raises a concern if a student were ever find himself in a life threatening situation, would he even know how to properly defend himself? Schools should be lookingRead MoreBullying: It Is Right or Wrong1241 Words   |  5 PagesTeresa Cooley Professor Shawn Grant English Composition and Reading 1 16 February 2011 Bullying: it is right or wrong? What is bullying? Bullying is a cruel way to gain power and strength over others who are weaker to hurt and has a negative effect on the victims. What does bullying mean to me? To me, bullying means a way for someone who is controlling toward others in order for them to be popular and make friends. Some characteristicsRead MoreCyber Bullying And Its Effects952 Words   |  4 PagesCyber-bullying is a term that has only gained notoriety in the past few years. Like many things that adapt to their surroundings, cyber-bullying is no exception. As new ways to socialize appear every year, it is a great tool for children and adults alike to communicate with friends and family. However, it can also turn into a tool of terrorization just as easily. The term bullying is usually defined as aggression that is intentionally carried out by one or more individuals and repeatedly targetedRead MoreBullying : School Should Be A Safe Place For Everyone1009 Words   |  5 PagesBullying has become an ever growing dilemma across the United States, and according to a study done by the U.S. Department of Education, eight percent of students between the ages of twelve and eighteen reported being bullied everyday. It has lead to the terrifying issue of a person taking their own life, or harming themselves. We cannot expect children to be able to do this alone, therefore adults need to become more involved, as well as schools. School should be a safe place for everyone, no oneRead MoreThe Dangers Our Children Face on the Internet Essay1058 Words   |  5 PagesIt is hard to argue that technology hasn’t improved our lives through medicine, communication, and entertainment. Our children face an increasing number of dangers on the Internet. Sexual predators, cyber bullying, and pornography are the most prevalent dangers our children face on the Internet; the best way to protect them is to be an involved and informed Parent. Sexual predators on the Internet are a topic that has received lots of attention from the media in recent years. Shows like Datelines:Read MoreNew York : Meredith Books1185 Words   |  5 Pages 2. Froeschle, Janet G. et al.. â€Å"Strategies to Prevent and Heal the Mental Anguish Caused by Cyberbullying†. Middle School Journal 39.4 (2008): 30–35. The purpose of this article is to enlighten teachers, school administrators, and school counsellors about this new technological danger, describing the warning signs to help recognize both victims and perpetrators, and detail school-and home –based strategies for preventing cyberbullying and healing those affected by the phenomenon. 3. SubrahmanyamRead MoreCyber Bullying Is Not A New Phenomenon1704 Words   |  7 PagesProducing Danger Bullying in school is not a new phenomenon; it is as old as the education system. In texts as ancient as the Bible examples are explicit and evident. Throughout the ages bullying has been a tragic and catastrophic element that seems inevitable as it affects the lives of its victims. The fundamental purpose of a school is to educate and coach children in their emotional, cognitive, civic, vocational, and social development. On the contrary, however, schools are generating cutthroatRead MoreCyberbullying Is A Big Concern For Society Today920 Words   |  4 Pagesprefer to text rather than talk on the phone, and often prefer to video chat instead of meeting up in person. The use of technology makes cyberbullying much easier and more common, especially among teenagers. Cyberbullying is the reason for cutting, school shootings, and suicide, but to the bullies it’s just a game on the computer and they can’t see the damage that they are causing. Some kids do it for entertainm ent, some do it to raise their own self-esteem, while others are just following the crowdRead MoreCyber Bullying : A New Form Of Bullying979 Words   |  4 Pagesunimaginable harm† (Chavez). With this mention Cyber bullying has taken a toll in children and teenagers across the nation. Many doctors, advocates, teachers, parents and many more are helping children and teenagers fight against cyber bullying. Cyber bullying can start off as a game, but can become dangerous and lead to disorders, syndromes and can even lead to death. People need to educate themselves and inform children and teens the dangers of cyber bullying and report it immediately if they come across

Essay on Capital Punishment Free Essays

Capital punishment, interchangeably known as the death penalty, is a government-sanctioned practice in which a person is executed as retribution for their offences. Most nations have allowed executions as punishment for various crimes throughout their history, however the amount of nations that abandoned their recognition of the death penalty have steadily grown since the 1800s. The United States continues to permit capital punishment, although many other developed countries have abolished it entirely. We will write a custom essay sample on Essay on Capital Punishment or any similar topic only for you Order Now Present nations that recognize this exchange us it only for the worst of crimes, such as mass murder, terrorism, war crimes, and other various acts against humanity. When it comes time for human life to pay for the crime, many people will find themselves facing an ethical dilemma. The economic, legal, and moral consequences of the death penalty remain under scrutiny by many Americans. Discussing capital punishment relies on a handful of core consequences: the publicity of capital punishment and its effectiveness in deterring future crime, the ethical problems surrounding execution, it can send confusing messages, and has an opportunity to be corrupted by racial prejudice. The first established capital punishment dates as far back as the Eighteenth Century B.C. within the Code of Hammurabi. King Hammurabi listed penalties punishable by death for twenty-five different crimes, which were given easily for thieving, illegal purchases, kidnapping, assisting slaves, disorderly conduct, rape, seduction, and more. The death penalty was also included in the Fourteenth Century B.C.’s Hittite Code, the Seventh Century B.C.’s Draconian Code, and the Fifth Century B.C.’s Roman Law of the Twelve Tablets. These sentences were often delivered by crucifixion, drowning, beating, burning, or impalement. The government ordered sentences were later performed in societies such as ancient Asia, Babylon, and Greece. In these civilizations, the death penalty was applied to theft, damage of property, and anything thought to be magic or witchcraft. In the Tenth Century A.D., hanging became normalized as the preferred method of execution, beginning in Britain. In the coming century, William the Conqueror abolished hanging, as well as all capital punishment, unless his country was at war. However, during the Sixteenth Century, as many as 72,000 people are estimated to have been executed under King Henry VIII’s reign. Boiling, burning at the stake, beheading, and drawing and quartering were all popular methods of execution. Offenses worthy of death included treason, marrying a Jew, or not confessing to a crime. Crime rate continued to rise in Britain throughout the coming two centuries, and by the 1700s, there were over 200 offenses considered punishable by death. Because death was so severe, juries would often not convict defendants if their crime appeared petty, which led Britain towards the first reformation of their capital punishments. From 1823 to 1837, the death penalty was canceled for over 100 crimes previously punishable by death. American colonies were not immune to the spread of capital punishment. Their first execution began in Virginia in 1608 when George Kendall was accused of espionage and subsequently sentenced to death by firing squad. By 1612, more colonies approved execution as proper punishment for a myriad of crimes. Executions were conducted by hanging or firing squad and, in an effort to increase deterrence, were attended by the public. Movements opposing capital punishment sprouted in the form of grass-roots organizations, and used many techniques that remain relevant to modern day, such as public meetings and petitions. During the eighteenth century’s â€Å"Age of Enlightenment†, many philosophers criticized capital punishment. This new way of thinking affected the American colonies, contributing to the first legal debates. Leaders such as Thomas Jefferson recommended capital punishment to be used only in response to crimes as evil as murder. Starting in 1794, the Pennsylvania legislature centered capital punishment around murder in the first degree. Thus began the categorization of murder, ranging from premeditated murder to involuntary murder and manslaughter. By 1849, fifteen states had passed laws providing for private executions. These executions, however, remained opposed by some abolitionists and even by some pro-death penalty advocates. Abolitionists did not want private executions on the grounds that state actions and the legal process must be a matter of public record, and pro-death penalty advocates feared private executions would taint the deterrence effect of public executions. By 1846, Michigan would prove to be the first state to entirely rid the death penalty from its law, influencing Rhode Island and Wisconsin to abolish capital punishment over a matter of seven years. Various methods of capital punishment were being thought outdated and inhumane, such as public hangings, leaving new means of execution open for design. Electrocution was adopted first by New York in 1888, followed shortly by several other states. In 1924, Nevada began using cyanide gas in executions, with gas chambers soon becoming the most common execution method in the United States. How to cite Essay on Capital Punishment, Essays

Serial Killers and the Media free essay sample

Media Maureen McCollum Kaplan University Deviance and Violence Professor Major March 26, 2013 Abstract Serial murders are not Just part of the United States they also happen globally. There are many investigative tools that are used when working a serial murder case and we will discuss some of those. We will also discuss the problems with the media when It comes to serial murders. We will also talk about how the crystals of the public and media can affect serial murder cases. The crime of serial murder is not Just one that in the United States It is a problem that happens globally.In the US we have the help of the Behavioral Analysis unit as well as the FBI when working a case in any Jurisdiction. To help law enforcement and investigators learn new techniques on how to solve these crimes a symposium was held for two days in 2008 to teach them new techniques. In attendance at this conference were mental health experts, scholars. Media experts who have been studying serial murders for yeas and investigators in law enforcement field. The conference was held at INTERPOL headquarters, there were delegates from thirty- seven different countries in attendance at the conference.When working on a serial murder there needs to be more cooperation with other countries when working the cases. While most serial murders will stay within their comfort zone or home town, some will travel from place to place as well as out of the country to commit their crimes. When working on those types of cases It can be very hard with customs, jurisdictions as well as differences in country and jurisdiction government issues. Serial murders in every culture are viewed differently. The motive as well as methods is different in each culture. The profiles created by the UnitedStates law enforcement is often contradicted by the law enforcement In other countries (Halley, 2006) During the symposium all that were In attendance did agree on some Investigate technique that would be good when investigating a serial murder (FBI, 2005). Identification: The primary challenge in the investigation is the initial identification of the homicide. The historical way that they were identified was when there was more than two cases linked. With the rapid growing systems of today as soon as the cases have been reported it is out to the media.Identifying high profiles over more than en Jurisdiction still poses a problem to the law enforcement. The systems used by were at the conference agreed that we need to use the same system to report crimes called the National Law Enforcement Teletype System as well as the systems used by the FBI and the Behavioral Crime Unit. The law enforcement online is another good system to use. Leadership: When doing a high profile investigation many problems arise in leadership. They are faces with pressures from victims families, media as well as political executives. The main goal is to catch the offender and arrest and prosecute them.They all agree that the cases should be handled by homicide investigators who know how to work the case and that supervisor need to intervene with higher up personnel. Task Force Organization: A lead agency should be established to work on the investigation, and a member from each law enforcement agency that is involved in the case should have a member on the task force. A head and a co-head investigator should be formed and from there lesions are assigned that will take care of task given by the head investigator. When working the investigation there should be a clear line of communication between investigators ND administration.They will also need to keep a rapport as they are keeping up with their own task that they have. Resource Augmentation: During the investigation it is often better to use fewer personnel but in some cases more personnel is needed in order to work it. The head investigator is in charge of running the whole investigation and administration is in charge of giving them the resources they need in order to run a proper one. Communication: Is a key role in the investigation. Daily briefings should be done to keep everyone up to date on events and new evidence. When serial cases involve multiple states communication is paramount to the investigation. These should be held on a face to face basis and not by phone conference so all information is correct and noted properly. Submitting all homicide and missing people reports to the VICAR system is a must so that if there are any new cases out there they can be linked in the system. Data Management: The FBI rapid start system is a good system to use to give real time information in cases that are being worked. In order to solve the case quickly everyone involved in the case should be up to date on all evidence and happenings n the case.Analytical Tools: A time line that is done to keep information on the investigation of events that have happened. The crime analysts work closely with the lead investigator to sort, chart and analyzing the case. Medical Examiner/ Coroners: Are the ones who perform the autopsy on the victims and share information with the lead investigator. Training: To affectively work a serial murder case investigators and medical examiners need training and exposure to the wide range of technique that are used to work these types of cases (FBI, 2005). Talking heads is a big problem when working a serial murder investigation.These are people who claim to be experts on the subject but they do not have the actual fact regarding the case. When they go on television to discuss these cases they can often do more damage to the case than they can do good. When the offender is challenged by discriminating factors and statements they do not know if it is coming from an outside source or the law enforcement and they can react violently to the comments being made. The talking heads can also destroy vital evidence in the case. Pressure comes from political officials to solve these types of cases.

Evolutionary Jass Band “Change of Scene” free essay sample

The Evolutionary Jass Band may have been a little too adventurous with their latest album, â€Å"Change of Scene.† Performing as The Steele Street Revolutionary Jass Band prior to 2001, the Portland-based sextet is dominated by Jefrey Brown (saxophone) and Michael Henrickson (drums). As billed by their record label, the ambitious duo combines Ethiopian beats with early New Orleans jazz, improvisational bebop, and a slew of other more obscure genres. With Marisa Anderson on sitar and pulsating rhythms coming from Henricksons percussions, the band could easily take the idea of Afrocentric jazz to a new level. Instead, they stifle the concept with a robust alto sax, a fluttering soprano sax, and an out-of-phase violin. In the tribal-ritual introduction of the title song, forceful drumbeats and jangling bells punctuate the silence, giving way to a sultry saxophone at the fifth minute. At first, the saxophone moans along with the steady beat of the drum. We will write a custom essay sample on Evolutionary Jass Band â€Å"Change of Scene† or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page As the song progresses, the sound evolves into a more heady intonation that nearly overpowers the gripping percussive foundation. The ruckus is overbearing at times and the palette of moods is often blended in uncomplementary tones. Throughout the record, this tug of war between the percussion and the brass is a divisive force. Both start supporting each other, but by the middle of each tune, they are telling different stories that would be better off separate. The most successful experimentation of this sound permutation is in â€Å"Mercury,† when a lone soprano sax with impeccable clarity and lilting progression is well supported by the drums and the bass. The light touch of the guitar in the background brings the marginally unruly sax back to earth, and the violin and bass drag the tune into more serious territory, changing the tone from upbeat to ominous. In short, â€Å"Change of Scene† is not evolutionary, it is merely left of center. Trying to accomplish too much, the Evolutionary Jass Band attempts to fuse intense Ethiopian beats with hardy brass and modern jazz. The outcome is an anarchic cacophony of songs that sound all too similar and brash. The group has potential, however, and with focus and organization, it could live up to its name. Henrickson often stumbles onto some stellar drum rhythms, and Browns distinctive timbre can be welded into more pleasant yet daring tones. In the future, the ensemble should consider sticking to just one story, or, rather, section namely, percussion. For now, we can appreciate this album for Henricksons rhythmic skill and Browns personality.

Bad College Essays 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid

Bad College Essays 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid SAT / ACT Prep Online Guides and Tips Just as there are noteworthy examples ofexcellent college essaysthat admissions offices like to publish, so are there cringe-worthy examples ofterrible college essays that end up being described by anonymous admissions officers on Reddit discussion boards. While I won’t guarantee that your essay will end up in the first category, I will say that you follow my advice in this article, your essay most assuredly won’t end up in the second. How do you avoid writing a bad admissions essay? Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays – and what to do toif you end up creating one by accident. What Makes Bad College Essays Bad What exactly happens to turn a college essay terrible? Just as great personal statements combine an unexpected topic with superb execution, flawed personal statements compound problematic subject matterwith poor execution. Problems With the Topic The primary way to screw up a college essay is to flubwhat the essay is about or how you’ve decided to discuss a particular experience. Badly chosen essay content can easily createan essay that is off-putting in one of a number of ways I’ll discuss in the next section. The essay is the place to let the admissions office of your target college get to know your personality, character, and the talents and skills that aren’t on your transcript.So if you start witha terrible topic, not only will you end up with a bad essay, but you risk ruining the good impression that the rest of your application makes. Some bad topics show admissions officers that you don’t have a good sense of judgment or maturity, which is a problem since they are building a class of college students who have tobe able to handle independent life on campus. Other bad topics suggest that you are a boring person, or someone who doesn’t process your experience in a colorful or lively way, which is a problem since collegeswant to create a dynamic and engaged cohort of students. Still other bad topics indicate that you'reunaware of or disconnected from the outside world and focused only on yourself, which is a problem since part of the point of college is to engage with new people and new ideas, and admissions officersare looking for people who can do that. Problems With the Execution Sometimes, even if the experiences you discuss could be the foundation of a great personal statement, the way you’ve structured and put together your essay sends up warning flags. This is because the admissions essay is also a place to show the admissions team the maturity and clarity of your writing style. One way to get this part wrong is to exhibit very faulty writing mechanics, like unclear syntax or incorrectly used punctuation. This is a problem since college-ready writing is one of the things that’s expected from a high school graduate. Another way to mess this up is to ignore prompt instructions either for creative or careless reasons. This can show admissions officers that you'reeither someone who simply blows off directions and instructions or someone who can't understand how to follow them. Neither is a good thing, since they are looking for people who are open to receiving new information from professors and not just deciding they know everything already. Ignoring directions to this degree is not creative, just annoying. College Essay Topics To Avoid Want to know why you're often advised to write about something mundane and everyday for your college essay? That's because the more out-there your topic, the more likely it is to stumble into one of these trouble categories. Too Personal The problem with the overly personal essay topic is that revealing something veryprivate can show that you don’t really understand boundaries. And knowing where appropriate boundaries arewill be key for living on your own with a bunch of people not related to you. Unfortunately, stumbling into the TMI zone of essay topics is more common than you think. One quick test for checking your privacy-breaking level:if it’s not something you’d tell a friendlystranger sitting next to you on the plane, maybe don’t tell it to the admissions office. Examples: Describinglosing your virginity, or anything about your sex life really. This doesn’t mean you can’t write about your sexual orientation – just leave out the actual physical act. Writing in too much detail about your illness, disability, any other bodily functions. Detailed meaningful discussion of what this physical condition has meant to you and your life is a great thing to write about. But stay away from body horror and graphic descriptions that are simply there for gratuitous shock value. Waxing poetic about your love for your significant other.Your relationshipis adorable to the people currently involved in it, but those who don't know you aren't invested in this aspect of your life. Confessing to odd and unusual desires of the sexual or illegal variety.Your obsession with cultivating cacti is wonderful topic, while your obsession with researching explosives is a terrible one. Some secrets are better behind lock and key. Or behind industrial strengthrack and pinion matching machined gears and pressure bolt. Too Revealing of Bad Judgment Generally speaking, leave past illegal or immoralactions out of your essay. It's simply a bad idea to give admissions officers ammunition to dislike you. Some exceptions might be if you did something in a very, very different mindset from the one you’re in now (in the midst of escaping from danger, under severe coercion, or when you were very young, for example). Or if your essay is about explaining how you'veturned over a new leaf and you have the transcript to back you up. Examples: Writing about committing crime as something fun or exciting. Unlessit's on your permanent record, and you'd like a chance to explain how you've learned your lesson and changed, don't put this in your essay. Describingdrug use or the experience of being drunk or high. Even if you're in a state where some recreational drugs are legal, you're a high school student. Your only exposure to mind-altering substances should be caffeine. Making upfictional stories about yourself as though they are true. You're unlikely to be a good enough fantasist to pull this off, and there's no reason to roll the dice on being discovered to be a liar. Detailing yourpersonality flaws. Unless you have a great story of coping with one of these, leave deal-breakers like pathological narcissism out of your personal statement. You're better off not airing your dirty laundry out in public. Seriously, no one wants to smell those socks. Too Overconfident While it's great to have faith in your abilities, no one likes a relentless show-off. No matter how magnificent your accomplishments, if you decide to focus your essay on them, it's better to describe a setback or a moment of doubt rather that simply praising yourself to the skies. Examples: Bragging and making yourself the flawless hero of your essay. This goes double if you're writing about not particularly exciting achievements like scoring the winning goal or getting the lead in the play. Having no awareness of the actual scope ofyour accomplishments.It's lovelythat you take time to help others, but volunteer-tutoring a couple of hours a week doesn’t make you a saintly figure. Cheering on a team? Awesome. Cheering on yourself? A little obnoxious. Too Clichà ©d or Boring Remember your reader. In this case, you're tryingto make yourself memorable to anadmissions officer who has been reading thousands of other essays. If your essay makes the mistake of being boring or trite, it just won’t register in that person’s mind as anything worth paying attention to. Examples: Transcribingyour resume into sentence form or writing about the main activity on your transcript. The application already includes your resume, or a detailed list of your various activities. Unless the prompt specifically asks youto write about your main activity, the essay needs to be about afacet of your interests and personality that doesn't come through the other parts of the application. Writing about sports. Every athlete tries to write this essay. Unless you have a completely off-the-wall story or unusual achievement, leave this overdone topic be. Beingmoved by your community service trip to a third-world country. Were you were impressed athow happy the people seemed despite being poor? Did you learn a valuable lesson about how privileged you are? Unfortunately, so has every other teenager who traveled on one of these trips. Writing about thistends to simultaneously make you sound unempathetic, clueless about the world, way over-privileged, and condescending. Unless you have a highly specific, totally unusual story to tell, don’t do it. Reacting with sadness to a sad, but very commonexperience. Unfortunately, many of the hard, formative events in your life are fairly universal. So, if you’re going to write about death or divorce, make sure tofocus on how youdealt with this event, so the essay is something only you could possibly have written. Only detailed, idiosyncratic description can save this topic. Going meta.Don’t write about the fact that you’re writing the essay as we speak,and now the reader is reading it, and look, the essay is right here in the reader'shand. It's a technique that seems clever, but has already been done many times in many different ways. Offering your ideas on how tofix the world. This is especially true if your solution is an easy fix, if only everyone would just listen to you. Trust me,there's just no way you are being realisticallyappreciative of the level of complexity inherent in the problem you're describing. Starting with a famous quotation. There usually is no need to shore up your own words by bringing in someone else's. Of course, if you are writing about a particular phrase that you've adopted as a life motto, feel free to include it. But even then, having it be the first line in your essay feels like you're handing the keys over to that author and asking them to drive. Using an everyday object as a metaphor for your life/personality.â€Å"Shoes. They are like this, and like that, and people love them for all of these reasons. And guess what? They are just like me.† Shoes are from several centuries ago and tend to be used as flower vases. And that's true for me too! Too Off-Topic Unlike the essays you’ve been writing in school where the idea is to analyze something outside of yourself, the main subject of your college essay should be you, your background, your makeup, and your future.Writing about someone or something else might well make a great essay, but not for this context. Examples: Paying tribute to someone very important to you. Everyone would love to meet your grandma, but this isn’t the time to focus on her amazing coming of age story. If you do want to talk about a person who is important to your life, dwell on the waysyou've been impacted by them, and how you will incorporate this impact into your future. Documentinghow well other people do things, say things, are active, while you remain passive and inactive in the essay. Being in the orbit of someone else's important lab work, or complex stage production, or meaningful political activism is a fantasticlearning moment. But if you decide to write about, your essay should be about your learning and how you've been influenced, not about the other person's achievements. Concentrating ona work of art that deeply moved you. Watch out for the pitfall of writing ananalytical essay about that work, and not at all about your reaction to it or how you’ve been affected since. Check out our explanation of how to answer Topic D of the ApplyTexasapplicationto get some advice on writing about someone else's workwhile making sure your essay still points back at you. If you write your essay about art, be theguy all the way on the right, looking right at the audience to explain what's happening. Don't be the guy who is totally absorbed bywhat he's looking at. (Image: Pieter Christoffel Wonder [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons) Want to write the perfect college application essay? Get professional help from PrepScholar. Your dedicated PrepScholar Admissions counselor will craft your perfect college essay, from the ground up. We'll learn your background and interests, brainstorm essay topics, and walk you through the essay drafting process, step-by-step. At the end, you'll have a unique essay that you'll proudly submit to your top choice colleges. Don't leave your college application to chance. Find out more about PrepScholar Admissions now: Too Offensive With this potential mistake, you run the risk ofshowing a lack of self-awareness orthe ability to be open to new ideas. Remember, no reader wants to be lectured at. If that’s what your essay does, you are demonstrating an inabilityto communicate successfully with others. Also, remember that no college is eager to admit someone who is too close-minded to benefit from being taught by others. A long, one-sided essay about a hot-button issue will suggest that you are exactly that. Examples: Ranting at length about political, religious, or other contentious topics. You simply don't know where the admissions officer who reads your essay standson any of these issues. It's better to avoid upsetting or angering that person. Writing aone-sided diatribe about guns, abortion, the death penalty, immigration, or anything else in the news. Even if you can marshal facts in your argument, this essay is simply the wrong place to take a narrow, unempathetic side in an ongoing debate. Mentioninganything negative about the school you’re applying to. Again, your reader is someone who works there and presumably is proud of the place. This is not the time to question the admissions officer's opinions or life choices. Don't make your reader feel like they've suddenly gotten in the ring with you. College Essay Execution Problems To Avoid Bad college essays aren't only caused by bad topics. Sometimes, even if you’re writing about an interesting, relevant topic, you can still seem immature or unready for college life because of the way you present that topic – the way you actually write your personal statement. Check to make sure you haven't made any of the common mistakes on this list. Tone-Deafness Admissions officers are looking for resourcefulness, the ability to be resilient, and an active and optimistic approach to life – these are all qualities that create a thriving college student. Essays that don't show these qualities are usually suffering from tone-deafness. Examples: Being whiny or complaining about problems in your life. Is the essay about everyone doing things to/against you? About things happening to you, rather than you doing anything about them? That perspective is a definite turn-off. Trying and failing to use humor. You may be very funny in real life, but it's hard to be successfully funny in this context, especially when writing for a reader who doesn’t know you. If you do want to use humor, I'd recommendthe simplest and most straightforward version:being self-deprecating and low-key. Talking down to the reader, or alternately being self-aggrandizing. No one enjoys being condescended to. In this case, much of the function of your essay is to charm and make yourself likable, which is unlikely to happen if you adopt this tone. Being pessimistic, cynical, and generally depressive. You are applying to college because you are looking forward to a future of learning, achievement, and self-actualization. This is not the time to bust out your existential ennui and your jaded, been-there-done-that attitude toward life. Edvard Munch probably didn't submit "The Scream" as his admissions essay. He smartly saved all that existential angst for his post-bac! (Image: Eduard Munch [Public Domain], via Wikimedia Commons) Lack of Personality One good question to ask yourself is: could anyone else have written this essay? If the answer is yes, then you aren’t doing a good job of representing your unique perspective on the world. It’s very important to demonstrate your ability to be a detailed observer of the world, since that will be one of your main jobs as a college student. Examples: Avoiding any emotions, and appearing robot-like and cold in the essay. Unlike essays that you've been writing for class, this essay is meant to be a showcase of your authorial voice and personality. It may seem strange to shift gears after learning how to take yourself out of your writing, but this is the place where you have to put as much as yourself in as possible. Skipping overdescription and specific detailsin favor ofwriting only in vague generalities. Does yournarrative feel like a newspaper horoscope, whichcould apply to every other person who was there that day? Then you’re doing it wrong and need to refocus onyourreaction, feelings, understanding, and transformation. Your college essay isn't the place to be indistinguishable. Off-Kilter Style There’s some room for creativity here, yes, but a college essay isn’t a free-for-all postmodern art class. True, there areprompts that specifically call for your most out-of-left-field submission, or allow you to submit a portfolio or some other work sample instead of a traditional essay. But on a standard application, it's better to stick to traditional prose, split into paragraphs, further split into sentences. Examples: Submitting anything other than just the materials asked for on your application. Don't send food to the admissions office, don't write your essay on clothing or shoes, don't create a YouTube channel about your undying commitment to the school. I know there are a lot ofurban legends about "that one time this crazy thing worked," but they are either not true or about something that will not work a second time. Writing your essay in verse, in the form of a play, in bullet points, as an acrostic, or any other non-prose form.Unless you really have a way with poetry or playwriting, and you are very confident that you can meet the demands of the prompt and explain yourself well in this form, don't discard prose simply for the sake of being different. Using as many â€Å"fancy† words as possible and getting very faraway from sounding like yourself. Admissions officers are unanimous in wanting to hearyournot fully formed teenage voice in your essay. This means that you should write at the top of your vocabulary range and syntax complexity, but don't trade every word up for a thesaurus synonym. Your essay will suffer for it. If you dress like this every day, you can use all the fancy words you like. Failure to Proofread Most people have a hard time checking overtheir own work. This is why you have tomake sure that someone else proofreads your writing. This is the one place where you can, should – and really must – get someone who knows all about grammar, punctuation and has a good eye for detail to take a red pencil to your final draft. Otherwise, you look likeyou either don’t know the basic rules or writing (in which case, are you really ready for college work?) or don’t care enough to present yourself well (in which case, why would the admissions people care about admitting you?). Examples: Typos, grammatical mistakes, punctuation flubs, weird font/paragraph spacing issues. It's true that these are often unintentional mistakes. But caring about getting it right is a way to demonstrate your work ethic and dedication to the task at hand. Going over the word limit. Part of showing your brilliance is being able to work within arbitrary rules and limitations. Going over the word count points to a lack of self-control, which is not a very attractive feature in a college applicant. Repeating the same word(s) or sentence structure over and over again. This makes your prose monotonous and hard to read. Repetition: excellent for mastering the long jump, terrible for keeping a reader's interest. Bad College Essay Examples – And How to Fix Them The beauty of writing is that you get to rewrite. So ifyou think of your essay as a draft waiting to be revised into a better version rather than as a precious jewel that can’t bear being touched, you’ll be in far better shape to correct the issues that always crop up! Nowlet’s take a look at some actual college essay drafts to see where the writer is going wrong and how the issue could be fixed. Essay #1: The â€Å"I Am Writing This Essay as We Speak† Meta-Narrative Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all. In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishingthe college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans formy October, November and December. Falling into my personal wormhole, I sat down with my momto talk about colleges. â€Å"Maybe you should write about Star Trek,† she suggested, â€Å"you know how you’ve always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll soundcreative!† I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like justa guy who can't getover the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossedmy essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun. I fell into astate of panic. My college essay. My image of myself in senioryear. Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. My heart lifted, I took his advice and listed three of my greatest achievements - mastering my backgammon strategy, being a part of TREE in my sophomoreyear, and performing"I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from The Pirates of Penzance in public.And sure enough, I felt inspiration hit me and began to type away furiously into the keyboard about my experience in TREE, or Trees Require Engaged Environmentalists. I reflected on the current state of deforestation, and described the dichotomy of it being both understandable why farmers cut down forests for farmland, and how dangerous this is to our planet. Finally, I added my personal epiphany to the end of my college essay as thecherry on the vanilla sundae, as the overused saying goes. After 3 weeksof figuring myself out, I have convertedmyself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transforma human being into 603words surely deservesa gold medal. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voiceand decided that this was not the right essay either. In the middle of a hike through Philadelphia's Fairmount Park, I realized that the college essay was nothing more than an embodiment of my character. The two essays I have written were not right because they have failed to become more than just words on recycled paper. The subject failed to come alive. Certainly my keen interest in Star Trekand my enthusiasm forTREE are a great part of who I am, but there were other qualities essential in my character that did not come across in the essays. With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree. What Essay #1 Does Well Here are all things that are working on all cylinders for this personal statement as is. Killer First Sentence Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. Funny, striking, memorable – this sentence has it all: A strange fact.There are different kinds of tornadoes? What is a "landspout tornado" anyway? A late-night-deep-thoughts hypothetical.What would it be like to be a kid whose house was destroyed in this unusual way? Direct engagement with the reader.Instead of asking â€Å"what would it be like to have a tornado destroy a house† it asks â€Å"wasyour house ever destroyed." Speaking of tornadoes, how awesome was the Wizard of Oz? Gentle, Self-Deprecating Humor That Lands Well I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun. The author has hiscake and eats it too here: both making fun of himself for being super into the Star Trekmythos, but also showing himself being committed enough to try whispering a command to the Enterprise computeralone in hisroom. You know, just in case. A Solid Point That Is Made Paragraph by Paragraph The meat of the essay is that the two versions of himself that the author thought about portraying each fails in some way to describe the real him. Neither an essay focusing on his off-beat interests, nor an essay devoted to his serious activismcouldcapture everything about a well-rounded person in 600 words. Great Exit With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree. The essay illustrates its own stopping by having the narrator literally stop in the middle of a hike and narrowly avoid a collision. That’s funny and clever without being too gimmicky. The ending should be short and sweet, so your reader doesn't start wishing you'd turn into a human cannonball. (Image: fir0002via Wikimedia Commons.) Where Essay #1 Needs Revision Rewriting these flawed parts will make the essay shine. Spending Way Too Long on the Metanarrative I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all. In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishingthe college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans formy October, November and December. After 3 weeksof figuring myself out, I have convertedmyself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transforma human being into 603words surely deservesa gold medal. Look at how long and draggy these paragraphs are, especially after that zippy opening. Is it at all interesting to read about how someone else found the process of writing hard? Not really, because this is a very common experience. In the rewrite, I’d advise condensing all of this to maybe a sentence to get tothe meat of the actual essay. Letting Other People Do All the Doing I sat down with my momto talk about colleges. â€Å"Maybe you should write about Star Trek,† she suggested, â€Å"you know how you’ve always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll soundcreative!† Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. Twice in the essay, the author lets someone else tell him what to do.Not only that, but it sounds like both of the â€Å"incomplete† essays were dictated by the thoughts of other people and had little to do with his own ideas, experiences, or initiative. In the rewrite, it would be better to recast both the Stark Trekand the TREE versions of the essay as the author’s own thoughts rather than someone else’s suggestions. This way, the point of the essay – taking apart the idea that a college essay couldsummarize life experience – is earned by the author’s two failed attempts to write that other kind of essay. Don't be a passive panda. Be an active antelope. Leaving the Insight and Meaning Out of His Experiences Both the Star Trekfandom and the TREE activism were obviously important life experiences for this author – important enough to be potential college essay topic candidates.But there is no description of what the author did with either one, nor any explanation of why these were so meaningful to his life. It’s fine to say that none of your achievements individually define you, but in order for that to work, you have to really sell the achievements themselves. In the rewrite, it would be good to explore what he learned about himself and the world by pursuing these interests. How did they change him or seen him into the person he is today? Not Adding New Shades and Facets of Himself Into the Mix So, I tossedmy essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voiceand decided that this was not the right essay either. In both of these passages, there is the perfect opportunity to point out what exactly these failed versions of the essay didn'tcapture about the author.In the next essay draft, I would suggest subtly making a point about his other qualities. For example, after the Star Trekparagraph, he could talk about other culture he likes to consume, especially if he can discussart forms he is interested in that would not be expected from someone who lovesStar Trek. Or, after the TREE paragraph, the author could explain why this second essay was no better at capturing him than the first. What was missing? Why is the self in the essay shouting – is it because this version paints him as an overly aggressive activist? Star Trek fans are a dime a dozen. But a Trekkie who is also a graffiti aficionado? Now that's a novel intersection of cultural tastes. Want to build the best possible college application? We can help. PrepScholar Admissions is the world's best admissions consulting service. We combine world-class admissions counselors with our data-driven, proprietary admissions strategies. We've overseen thousands of students get into their top choice schools, from state colleges to the Ivy League. We know what kinds of students colleges want to admit. We want to get you admitted to your dream schools. Learn more about PrepScholar Admissions to maximize your chance of getting in. Essay #2: The â€Å"I Once Saw Poor People† Service Trip Essay Unlike other teenagers, I’m not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteenyear-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. My whole outlook on lifechanged after I realized that my life was just being handed to me on a silver spoon, and yet there were those in the world who didn’t have enough food to eat or place to live. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us. During the summer of 2006, I went on a community servicetrip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to helpthe unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies cryingfrom hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. But my most vivid memory was the moment I first got tothe farming town. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten daysI was there, it would be mine too. As all of this re alization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch adisease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? As these questions rolled around my already dazed mind, I heard a soft voice askingme in Spanish, â€Å"Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?† I looked down to see a small boy, around nineyears of age, who looked starved, and cold, wearing tattered clothing, comforting me. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate aheadof themselves. It was at that moment that I saw how selfish I had been. How many people suffered like this in the world, while I went about life concerned about nothing at all? Thinking back on the trip, maybe I made a difference, maybe not. But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive. What Essay #2Does Well Let's first point out what this draft has going for it. Clear Chronology This is an essay that tries to explain a shift in perspective. There are different ways to structure this overarching idea, but a chronological approach that starts with an earlier opinion, describes a mind changing event, and ends with the transformed point of view is an easy and clear way to lay this potentially complex subject out. Arranging your narrative in order of what happened when is a simple and surefire strategy. (Image: User:Lite via Wikimedia Commons) Where Essay #2Needs Revision Now let's see what needs to be changed in order for this essay to pass muster. Condescending, Obnoxious Tone Unlike other teenagers, I’m not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteenyear-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. This is a very broad generalization, which doesn’t tend to be the best way to formulate an argument – or to start an essay. It just makes this author sound dismissive of a huge swath of the population. In the rewrite, this author would be way better off just concentrate on what she want to say about herself, not pass judgment on â€Å"other teenagers,† most of whom she doesn’t know and will never meet. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us. Coming from someonewho hasn’t earned her place in the world through anything but the luck of being born, the word â€Å"compassion† sounds really condescending. Calling others "less fortunate" when you're a senior in high school has a dehumanizing quality to it. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate in front of themselves. Again, this comes across as very patronizing. Not only that, but to this little boythe author was clearly not looking all that â€Å"fortunate† – instead, she looked pathetic enough to need comforting. Inthe nextdraft, a better hook could be making the essayabout the many different kinds of shifting perspectives the author encountered on that trip. A more meaningful essay would compare and contrastthe points of view of the TV commercials, to what the group leader said, to the author's own expectations, and finally to this child’s point of view. It may help to imagine you have the compound eyes of an insect. How many different perspectives can you see and describe? Vague, Unobservant Description During the summer of 2006, I went on a community servicetrip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to helpthe unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies cryingfrom hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. Phrases likeâ€Å"cries of the small children from not having enough to eat† and â€Å"dirt stained rags† seem likedescriptions, but they're really closer to incurious and completely hackneyedgeneralizations. Why were the kids were crying? How many kids? All the kids? One specific really loud kid? The same goes forâ€Å"filthy rags,† which is both an incredibly insensitive way to talk about the clothing of these villagers, and again shows a total lack of interest in their life. Why were their clothes dirty? Were they workers or farmerssotheir clothes showing marks of labor? Did they have Sunday clothes? Traditional clothes they would put on for special occasions? Did they make their own clothes? That would be a good reason to keep wearing clothing even if it had â€Å"stains† on it. The rewrite should either make this section more specific and less reliant on cliches, or should discard it altogether. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. If this is the â€Å"most vivid memory,† then I would expect to read all the details that havebeen seared into the author'sbrain. What did their leader tell them? What was different in real life? What was the light like? What did the houses/roads/grass/fields/trees/animals/cars look like? What time of day was it? Did theyget there by bus, train, or plane? Was there an airport/train station/bus terminal? A city center? Shops? A marketplace? There are any number of details to include here when doing another drafting pass. Reading vague generalizations is like trying to make sense of this blurry picture. Is it flowers? Holiday lights? Confetti? Who knows. And after a while, who cares? Lack of Insight or Maturity But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten daysI was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch adisease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? Without a framing device explaining that this initial panic was an overreaction, this section just makes the author sound whiny, entitled, melodramatic, and immature. After all, this isn’t a a solo wilderness trek – the authoris there with a paid guided program. Just how much mortality is typically associated with these very standard college-application-boosting service trips? In a rewrite, I would suggest including more perspective on the author's outsized and overprivileged response here. This would fit well with a new focus on the different points of view on this village the author encountered. Unearned, Clichà ©d â€Å"Deep Thoughts† But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive. Is it really believable that this is what the author learned? There is maybe some evidence to suggest that the authorwas shaken somewhat out of a comfortable, materialistic existence.But what does â€Å"there is more to life than just being alive† even really mean? This conclusion is rather vague, and seems mostly a non sequitur. In a rewrite,the essayshould becompletely reoriented to discuss how differently others see us than we see ourselves, pivoting on the experience of being pitied by someone who you thought was pitiable. Then, the new versioncan end byon a note of being better able to understand different points of view and other people’s perspectives. It's important to include deep thoughts and insights into your essay - just make sure your narrative supports your conclusions! The Bottom Line Bad college essays have problems either with their topics or their execution. The essay is how admissions officers learn about your personality, point of view, and maturity level, so getting the topic right is a key factor in letting them see you as an aware, self-directed, open-minded applicant who is going to thrive in an environment of independence. The essay is also how admissions officers learn that you are writing at a ready-for-college level, so screwing up the execution shows that you either don’t know how to write, or don’t care enough to do it well. The main ways college essay topics go wrong is bad taste, bad judgment, and lack of self-awareness. The main ways college essays fail in their execution have to do with ignoring format, syntax, and genre expectations. What’s Next? Want to read some excellent college essays now that you've seen some examples of flawed one? Take a look through our roundup of college essay examplespublished by colleges and then get help with brainstorming your perfect college essay topic. Need some guidance on other parts of the application process? Check out our detailed, step-by-step guide to college applicationsfor advice. Are you considering takingthe SAT or ACTagain before you submit your application? Read aboutour famous test prep guides for hints and strategiesfora better score. 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My personal Future plan Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 250 words

My personal Future plan - Essay Example My educational background and these skills ensure that I have the analytical abilities to address issues that arise along my career. I am passionate about science, and it will ease my fitting into the Engineering department. The engineering department needs employees that are thinkers, adore teamwork and are effective communicators. Given the commonly large workload in these departments, employees should be organized so as to save time in duty execution while achieving efficiency. Through my skills, I can develop reliable and dependable communication skills that would facilitate a peaceful coexistence with other employees. Effective communication is essential to an organization’s performance, and I can facilitate it through developing relevant presentation tools. My ability to interact with others will also ensure that we can work together with my colleagues in developing efficient coordination. Though I am an active team player, I possess the initiative to perform on personal tasks while ensuring that deadlines are met. In handling meetings, the opinion of every individual count and with this skill, I will influence fellow employees. My initiative is developed through confidence and the interest to challenge my abilities in achieving required success. The engineering department needs reliable individuals, and the flexibility I have ensures that I am available whenever the organization needs my services. I am also highly organized, a critical factor to the success of any engineer and employees in the